I almost got my ass kicked

Today in the parking lot of food for less I came close to getting my ass kicked. I think the funniest part of the story is that it all went down immediately after my kids attended vacation bible school where they learned about Jesus, and love, and actually held baby chicks. Directly following their wholesome activities I found myself in a verbal feud with a lady about three times my size while innocent onlookers stood with their mouths gapping open.

Basically it’s Aaron’s fault, only because I like to blame my problems on other people. I had to drive his car today. He has unusually heavy doors. This is off topic but I think his car may smell worse then mine, if that’s at all possible. Because of his Isuzu amigo (funny name for a car!), I innocently opened my door and banged the door of the person’s car next to me. Unluckily for me, the woman who owned said car was sitting in it yapping on the phone. You should have seen how quickly she whipped around to glare at me

“I am so, so, sorry!” I told her

She proceeded to get out of her car quicker then I realized a human being could move. She started yelling that I better pray that I hadn’t scratched her car, “Oh, You better start praying!” she kept saying in a really hostile tone. This is were I feel the need to add that her car was a total piece of junk yet she acted as if I had messed with her brand new BMW.

Upon inspection she pointed to an undamaged area on her door and proclaimed there was a scratch. There was clearly no scratch. I looked and there was nothing there, noda, zilch!
I argued that there was absolutely no scratch. Then I made the cardinal sin of telling her to calm down. Bad move! I say the same phrase to my mom nearly every time I see her because she is constantly overreacting. She has told me time and time again that there is nothing more insulting then telling someone to calm down. The big lady lost it, and I mean lost it. She started screaming in my face and waving her fingers about. When people behave this way I am always super calm to the point that the person freaking out is insulted by my calmness and in turn gets more and more pissed off. I’m kind of a smug asshole. As a result crazy lady started to really use her lungs. At this point I am frightened and my kids are kind of cowering in the back seat. Then she made the mistake of calling me a Bitch. “Listen lady, my kids are in the car, don’t talk like that! That's trashy!”

Again , big mistake on my part, apaparently calling someone trashy is just as bad if not worse then asking someone to calm down. Her anger was so intense that I was ceratin she would knock me out. Yet, For some reason I refused to back down and continued a ridiculous yelling match with scary lady. Finally she walked off and I yelled after her that she is insane and a few other choice words! While I was yelling it I was almost positive that she would turn back around, reach her hand through my open window and start sucker punching me. She didn’t though. Instead ,she took out her cell phone and started taking pictures of me. I waved and drove away. She yelled after me “That's right, run away little girl!” and I did just that!

From the back seat Andrew said “She was scary but wow, mom you were rude!”

It’s refreshing when a 9 year old can make you feel like an idiot.