Doppelgangers

Just last week while at dinner with friends we discussed doppelgangers. I told my friend Shelby that her husband looks like Joaquin Phoenix minus the cleft lip, while my hubby looks like River. We laughed stupidly over the hilariority that our husbands are celebrity brothers. Who knows maybe there is money in it? Maybe we can force them to attend parties or enter look alike contests for cash.

Aaron gets the "You look like River Phoenix!" all the time. He loves it and wallows in it pridefully. We used to frequent this Italian restaurant in our neighborhood (until a cockroach scuttled across the table) where the waitress was obsessed with him. I think she probably had River Phoenix posters plastered in her bedroom at some point in her life. Whenever I would get up to use the bathroom, or refill my drink she would hover over our table and laugh that tilted head annoying laugh that women do when they are trying to look cute but instead it just looks needy. It annoyed the crap out of me. "You do realize that River phoenix wasn't even remotely attractive." I tell Aaron after the fawning waitress leaves. "How old do you think she is?" Aaron thinks it's funny when I get territorial.

Anyway, back to doppelgangers, on facebook some of my friends have changed their profile pictures to their celebrity look alikes. It's interesting to see who people think they look like. Truth be told there is only one celebrity I have been told I resemble more than once and it is Naomi Watts. Naomi watts cleans up well but she is kind of haggard looking in real life. I think I kind of do resemble the hagarded non-glam Naomi watts. We are both butt ass white and have long faces and should probably always wear make-up.

The Hell that is my Spanish Class

My Spanish professor always wears red; red shirts or red sweaters, red shoes, or bright red lipstick. She calls me Sue-bon. I am usually pretty cool about all the mispronunciations of my name but she is a foreign language teacher! Come on, say it correctly! Also, half my class speaks fluent Spanish. Did I mention it's a 101 class?

For the last two days we have been randomly paired up with other students. Each time I have been partnered up with a fluent speaker. Each time they have chuckled under their breath over my terrible pronunciation of Spanish words. Yesterday my partner was Israel, an 18 year old who didn't learn how to speak English until he was 7. While we were supposed to be working on telling time in Espanol he was texting his friends. However he did teach me the proper pronunciation of most of our vocab words. Also, he had the whitest teeth I have ever seen.

I sit in the third row from the door, five seats back. In front of me is a pregnant girl; behind me is another pregnant girl. I feel like they think I am a wise old lady there for the sole purpose of dispensing my parenting knowledge. Maybe they think I will offer them tiny nuggets of parental wisdom. They ask me questions about the kids, how old they are, did I have three kids so I could get a girl, do they fight, is it true that some women poop while in labor, did I breastfeed, where were they born, how long have I been married? They are fascinated. It makes me feel a little weird and really old. I think they are sweet though. I feel like I should adopt them and do their laundry and help them decorate their nurseries.

I wonder if they realize what they are in for; if they get just how drastically their lives will change. Do they know that soon their friends will be going to parties without them, heading out on Vegas trips, dating random guys, and that slowly their old group of friends will dwindle down to only the most loyal ones. That's what happened to me when I was their age. At the time I felt a bitter lonliness that was wrapped up in the most intense love of my life. Motherhood made me realize who my friends were. I'd like to see it as a gift instead of a sad loss of friendship. I have held on tightly to the ones that saw me through those early years of motherhood. It's always been hard for me to let people go so when my friends started letting me go it was really tough. I am thankful to the friends who stuck it out.

I feel like I should fill the pregnant girls in, let them know what it is like being a young mother. Maybe I should tell them how older women will stop you in the grocery store and correct the way you are holding your own child, how people assume you have no idea what you are doing, the countless strangers that will stop you on the street and tell you how proud they are of you for choosing life instead of abortion, and the people who will ask in a tone of utter shock "is that really your kid?! How old are you!?". Maybe I should let them in on the heavy lonliness that is combined with such great all encompassing love. I wonder if they have any clue at all what they are in for. I think maybe I shouldn't bother them with the raw truth. They will work it out. I did.

A bunch of nerds

The kids have spirit week at school Monday-Thursday in celebration of the school's basketball teams.  Today was nerd day, tomorrow is hippie/disco day, followed by wacky day, and lastly school spirit day.  My kids get super into it which I find adorable.

P.S. I started school today.  My courses are dismal!  Spanish and Algebra, blech!

Way to keep it classy Conan!

For the record I am a Letterman Fan.  However, I do think Conan O'Brien is pretty hilarious.  This is the speech Conan gave his last night of hosting the tonight show. I am amazed over just how classy he is!

  “There’s been a lot of speculation in the press about what I legally can and can’t say about NBC. And– this isn’t a joke– to set the record straight–and this is true– tonight, I’m allowed to say anything I want…

And what I want to say is this: between my time at Saturday Night Live, the Late Night show, and my brief run here on The Tonight Show, I’ve worked with NBC for over 20 years.

Yes, we have our differences right now. Yes, we’re going our separate ways. But this company has been my home for most of my adult life. I am enourmously proud of the work we’ve done together and I want to thank NBC for making it all possible. I really do.

A lot of people have been asking me about my state of mind, and to be honest with you, walking away from The Tonight Show is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

Making this choice has been enourmously difficult. This is the best job in the world. I absolutely love doing it. And I have the best staff and crew in the history of the medium. And I will fight anybody who says I don’t… but no one would.

But despite this sense of loss, I really feel this should be a happy moment. Every comedian dreams of hosting The Tonight Show. And for 7 months, I got to do it. And, I did it my way, with people I love; I do not regret one second of anything we’ve done.

I encounter people when I walk on the street now who just… give me sort of a sad look. I have had more good fortune than anybody I know. And if our next gig is doing a show in a 7-11 parking lot, we will find a way to make it fun. We really will.

Finally, I have something to say to our fans.

This massive outpouring of support and passion from so many people has been overwhelming for me. The rallies, the signs, all this goofy, outrageous creativity on the internet…The fact that people have travelled long distances and camped out all night in the pouring rain… to be in our audience…

Here’s what all of you have done: you’ve made a sad situation joyous and inspirational.

So to all the people watching, I can never, ever thank you enough for the kindness you’ve shown to me. I’ll think about it for the rest of my life.

All I ask is one thing– and I’m asking this particularly of the young people who watch: Please do not be cynical. For the record, I hate cynicism. It’s my least favorite quality. It doesn’t lead anywhere.

Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard, and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.

I’m telling you… Amazing things will happen.”

31 things

Today I am thirty-one. Here is a list of 31 useless, and self involved facts about me.

1. I recently lightened my hair and it looks really stupid

2. I also just got my hair cut and made the mistake of asking for bangs..they also look stupid.

3. My favorite pair of jeans where purchased at the thrift store for $12. I looked them up online and they retail for over $150. That is why I love thrifiting!

4. We spent my birthday eating at Islands, looking at real estate, eating spaghetti and cupcakes, and drinking almond champagne.

5. I really want to be a 1st grade teacher. I love kids way more than adults.

6. I really want a book deal.

7. I am going to Chicago in one month and cannot wait to see all the people I love madly. Sometimes I wish I still lived there.

8. I think Aaron is the greatest thing that ever happened to my life.

9. My boys are starting to get B.O and it really grosses me out.

10. In my opinion raising a girl is much harder then raising boys.

11. I always had low self-esteem so I try really hard to make sure Amelia thinks she is completely terrific and in the process i may have created a monster.

12. Sometimes I worry that other people think I am a terrible mother.

13. I'm really happy with the way my life turned out.

14. I miss my dad every single day and wonder if people think that I talk about him too much. You know how when people die everyone acts as if they were the most amazing person ever...well my dad really was amazing. He was the most beautiful person I have ever come across. He always managed to see the good in other people. I wish I was more like him

15. I can be extremely mean

16. If people talk badly about my family or friends I tend to cut them out of my lives. I am fiercely loyal to the people I love. I should probably chill out a little. I'm like a mafia member

17. I get really upset if anyone touches my knees. Weird I know.

18. I haven't been inside a haunted house since the third grade and do not plan on ever stepping foot in one again.

19. I am still a little afraid of the dark.

20. I hate that I am such a slob and wish I could more Martha Stewart like.

21. When I am depressed I shop. It can be a problem..

22. I think If I hadn't of had kids at such a young age my life would have ended up a complete disaster.

23. I am huge attention whore and really want to change that about myself.

24. My mom is the strongest woman I have ever met. I have so much respect for her.

25. I love living in Southern California.

26. My favorite Beatle is Ringo Starr

27. My least favorite Beatle is Paul McCarthy; despite not knowing him personally he may be my least favorite person to ever walk the earth.

28. I hate the word moist and think it should never be used unless describing yeast infections.

29. The only sport I play with the slightest bit of skill is tennis.

30. I am athletically inept

31. I am okay with getting older.

Kelly, Me,Shelby, and Molly out on the town celebrating our Birthdays(we all have January B-days except Molly)

My house

My childhood home has been on the market for nearly a year. Just yesterday my mom called to let me know that a nice family has offered to buy it. My parents bought it when I was 6 months old. Before that we lived in the Southside of Chicago in an area called Scottsdale.


I like to imagine the moment my mom and dad first stepped foot into the home that they would later raise all three of us kids in. I can picture the pro and con list they may have made.

Pro: great neighborhood, terrific schools, cute house.

Con: Freeway nearby, small backyard, ugly carpeting.

I think that maybe it reminded them a little bit of Ireland, what with the sweeping green front yard, the small creek nearby, and the quiet softness of the suburbs. I'd like to think they loved it immediately and knew it was the one.

It's situated on a quiet cul-de-sac. Across the street and through our neighbor's back yard Flag Creek baubles amongst weeping willows and sturdy maple trees. It was there, sitting on the rocks near flag creek that Philip Grant gave me my first kiss. He tilted his head and kissed my 5th grade lips. Years later, when I was just 19, Sitting in nearly the same location, Aaron asked if I would like to spend the rest of my life with him.

As kids my sister, brother, and I spent most of our time down at Flag Creek. It was our turf. In the winter we would find branches to use as sticks and frozen pinecones as a puck to play hockey on its surface. In the summer my brother and I would "borrow" The Bailise's canoe and set sail down the creek to spring rock park on it.

All of my happiest childhood memories involve our modest brick house on Fair Elms Ave. On hot summer days my brother would organize epic games of cops and robbers on our dead end street. He would invite the dorky neighbors that we rarely played with (the oldest boy, in his teen years, started making homemade bombs and placing them in local mail boxes, I'm not sure what ended up happening to him but it wasn’t good) The Alexis's that lived on Woodland, the McLaughlin’s down on Central, my sister's best friend Cathy, Mark from one block over, and David (who had tourettes and always made me cry) from around the corner. We were quite the crew on our bikes riding up and down the street shouting and laughing. Nosey neighbors would peer out the window and shake their heads. Oh, but did we ever have fun!

After my dad died I flew home for a memorial service. The house felt weary and with every creak  I imagined my dads legs walking on the wooden floor boards. The house was thick with memories and sadness. It’s too big for my mom what with it just being her living it now. I know that. I cannot imagine what it is like for her to sleep in the very same room she shared with my dad. I am sure that every room in that house is thick with history. With every turn of the corner she is bombarded with memories of dad. It can’t be easy.

A part of me wishes that we could buy it, that Aaron and I could uproot our lives and take the kids back to Chicago. Amelia could sit in the same kindergarten room that I did and the boys could make that leisurely walk down fair elms to forest hills elementary school. The same route my sister and I took together as kids. Back then when we reached 53rd and Fair Elms there were always bullies. Big Italian boys for the catholic school would call us names and chase us. Michelle would panic and sometimes sit down on the curb near our school and refuse to walk home out of fear. Sometimes a grown-up would come out and call our mom to pick us up. I was always fiercely protective of my siblings. I would lash out if anyone called them a name or made them cry. That’s how I dealt with the bullies. I would put my fists out and shout after the boys refusing to let them scare my sister. I knew their dads would spank them if they touched a girl. After awhile they got bored with us and we were able to walk home without being bothered.

In February I will fly home to Western Springs one last time. I will help my mom pack up the house. My sister will be there too. By then she will be 6 months pregnant. I think it's fitting that we celebrate a brand new life with the end to our old one.

The Golden Globes

You know how some people have a thing for porn, like they go nuts for the stuff; well award shows are kind of like my porn only not in a creepy way. I love them. I love the red carpet arrivals, the awkward interviews, the needlessly shallow questions, I love the scripted lines that some actors deliver in a robotic manner. I love the humor that no one laughs at, I love the jokes and jabs and the general cheesiness of the whole entire spectacle. Above all, I love watching the moment that someone’s artistic dreams come true. Whether it is a writer, a musician, or a fresh new actor, or someone who has won countless awards, I love seeing art being rewarded.


Aaron doesn’t get it. He had the nerve to place his computer on his lap and browse the web during the Golden Globes. It's moments like these where I think we need to reevaluate our relationship.

While he was googling local real estate I paused the live recording when Cameron Diaz walked on stage. I turned to him and said "Babe, that's the dress!"

"Huh?" he mumbled not even bothering to look up.

"It’s my favorite of the evening."

He glanced up and noded.

"it's red." He offered

Luckily Amelia loves the gowns almost as much as I do. It’s just all the talking she does during the show that irks me. I have faith that soon she will be old enough to become an award show junkie like me. One day she will watch in silent wonder only to speak when someone has a really amazing dress.

During award shows I like to offer tips for her future like "Amelia, strapless gowns only work if you have impeccable posture and a Peter Pan like figure. "Keep that in mind for prom." From the couch I can hear Aaron stifle a laugh.

“what!?” I say “she’s never too young to learn what not to wear!”

The following is my favorite golden globe moment:

Meryl Streep is so classy


My favortie dresses:

I love that Julia roberts wore something non traditonal like this short dress and chunky necklace.  I love how effortlessly chic it is.

I am not a huge fan of the fishtail effect but apart from that this dress is so pretty