Because it is Sunday

Today my father in law is wearing a woman's hat. It's not sort of a woman's hat or something that could possibly pass as a trendy male hat; it is undoubtedly, unquestionably, a woman's hat.

It's white and has a large turquoise flower broach pinned on it. Why he is wearing this hat I have no idea. He looks a lot like an 80's rocker minus the make-up.

After church we were walking through the mall and just about every single person we passed would do a double take. You could almost see them asking themselves...

"Is that a man in a woman's hat?"

After about thirty minutes I could not ignore it for a moment longer. I had to say,

"What is the story behind this hat? It has a very transgendered look."

Luckily he was amused and not at all insulted. He got a big long laugh out of it. That's what I love about Conrad; I can just get to the point without the fear of hurting his feelings. I don't know many other people who would get a kick out of me telling them that they look like a cross dresser. I think he finds my boldness hilarious or maybe refreshing, either way I am able to honestly ask him things that with most people I could never get away with. The only explanatation we received about the hat was:

"it was on sale and I just couldn't pass it by".

Aaron's question, which had me cracking up was:

"Did it come with the broach or is that part of your man jewlery collection?".

The answer was, it came with the broach attached. Hmmmmm! I have a feeling the hat will be around for a long, long, time. My father in law is a strange bird. Apparently so am I. People are always shocked to learn that, no he is not my father, but in fact Aaron's dad. I am always getting the

"I thought for sure he was your dad!"

In actuality my dad is pretty tame, very tame, and mostly wears Ralph Lauren. The most off the wall thing he has ever worn would probably be those European man sandals or perhaps something orange. He doesn't even do bold colors and mostly sticks to blue's and forest greens. He is, however, part of a Native American flute circle which is mostly absurd for an Irish guy. He plays a mean flute though! I think that Conrad comes across as my dad due to the hippie factor. For the life of me I can't shake that hippie label. Every since I was in grade school people have labeled me as the hippie. Everytime I go in for a hair cut I tell the beautician
"don't give me hippie hair!"

They always give me hippie hair. It's unavoidable. Conrad has long unruly hair and he lives in OB so he has that whole image down. I think Conrad and I are a like in a lot of ways. As much as I poke fun at and grumble about him, I do genuinely love him, lady's hat and all!

This is so boring

Amelia has gotten into the habit of walking around the house crying and tearing all the books off the book shelf. Mostly I say "what is wrong Amelia?" and "wow, your feeling destructive!" and then she cries a little more. It's getting tiresome. I want this terrible two thing to end already. DO you hear me people, MAKE IT END! At this very second she is in the pantry throwing tupperware on the floor. I should probably just move the tupperware to a higher shelf but there is a lack of room. I am having a hard time trying to figure out where to put things in our new house. I love my kitchen. My kitchen is the kind of kitchen you want to sit around in drinking tea and playing scrabble. (it's much cuter in real life! oh, and please disregaurd the mismatced chairs. We just bought that table off of craigslist and plan on buying more matching chairs at Ikea this weekend.) Also, there is a lot of red in my kitchen . Red is my favorite color. Blue had been on the top of my list for 20 odd years and then I came to terms with the fact that red needed to replace blue. My living room is unfortunate; really it is. I don't know what to do with it. The coaches are really far apart and one has the worst placement of any coach I have ever seen. As soon as you walk in the front door you literally trip over our lonely love seat that is way across the room from the other coach. It's very awkward. I think we need a sectional, that and a really cute area rug. Does anyone care?? I care.

I took Jacob out of preschool when we moved out here. I have to say he is one smart kid. Is that annoying to say?? I hate when people go around saying

"my kid is so advanced, blah, blah, they are on the honor roll, blah blah."

that is annoying! My mom has always been really big on not bragging about kids. She hates when people brag and I have picked up on that. Sometimes I wish she had bragged a little more about us(you know for self esteem purposes). Mostly I was a horrible student and had no real skills other then an uncanny retrieval of details from any book I have ever read, writing papers (although they always had grammatical mistakes but I got away with them some how), and anything art related. Not much to brag about there.

Back to Jacob, and no this is not bragging, the kid is a quick learner. He is a math kid. I find math disturbing and a waste of time but little Jake is somewhat of a math genius. He's always wanting me to read him his math book that has these addition flaps. I can't stand that book because it's not a story it's math for Pete's sake and mat h is well.... a big fat waste of time! He does this funny thing with his fingers against his face when he adds and subtracts numbers. It's really cute. It's not like I'm saying he's a prodigy or anything but he is a whiz. Okay, I'll admit I'm bragging a little bit about him. I think a small dose of brag is okay. Whatever!

I need an electric granmother

Right now I have a couple of wishes:

1. That tiny, little, cute, Amelia would stop growling every two seconds and flopping herself to the ground in dramatic temper tantrum frenzies.

2. That the 897836746376473 billion random idiot stuff that I have no idea what to do with or how to begin to organize into boxes would just magically grow brains and oraginize themselves!

3. That I could find the CD's in the garage ( I brillantly decided to pack them up last week) so I could listen to decent packing and cleaning music.

4. That my mom and grandma would magically appear and help me clean stuff.

5. That my idiot vacuum did not decide to break today

That is all! Just look at the state of my livingroom!!

Words

Words that should be removed from the English vocabulary


Load and pile, every time I hear either of these words I automatically think of shit. Seriously, it doesn’t matter if someone says I have a pile of paperwork to get done or a load of laundry to do I think of poop. These words are constantly distracting me. I mostly blame this on my brother.

Moist. For the love of God cease the use of this word. Nothing good can come of using moist in a sentence. Think of the nasty visuals!!!!!!!!!!!!! Moist needs to stay within the realms of Monistat, diaper rash, and summer’s eve commercials.

However……people that use the word however are boring sycophants!!

Shall……come on people!!!! Shall = obnoxious unless your using it in a sarcastic way

Brain. Obviously from time to time this word needs to be said because well a brain is a brain and there really is no word to substitute in for it but that doesn’t stop me from disliking it. It’s such an ugly word. There is nothing pretty or eloquent in the placement of these letters or the sound it makes coming out of one’s mouth. It’s harsh and ugly. Brain is especially disturbing when it has an s on the end. Brains is by far my least favorite word.

Words that should be used more often:

Fantastic, fabulous, spectacular, calamity (love this word!), culprit, metropolitan, lewd, sycophant, and chaos