Sunday, September 12, 2010

A day in our lives

I fall in love with places so easily that I am certain if it weren't for the stability of Aaron I would move, at the very least, twice a year. I love moving. I love purging my home of unneeded things and packing everything neatly into boxes. I like the idea of starting over and reinventing what our idea of normalcy is.

During the one hour drive to Julian this afternoon, I convinced myself that we needed to pack up and move to Poway, a slightly rural community in the boonies of San Diego. Within ten minutes we were in Ramona. The charming dirt roads, mail boxes lining their quaint streets, and the adorable old fashioned shops had me rethinking Poway.

Finally we arrived in Julian, rich with the smell of autumn and brimming with denim and cowboy boots. The layers of mountains that frame Julian's horizon took the breath right out of me.

"I love it here,” Andrew announced.

He is a mini-me. Andrew tends to voice exactly how I feel at any given moment. The two of us are so very much alike that I worry for the little guy. Every failure of his echoes similar childhood defeats of mine. Nearly daily my heart breaks for him because in his struggles I see my own. It's funny how children can fill you with so much happiness combined with overwhelming worry all at once. I wish that someone had sat me down when I was pregnant with Andrew to tell me all of this.

I will never forget a conversation I had with Aaron's Uncle the week before my wedding. Very matter of factly, he laid out what he thought it meant to be married. He told me that Aaron and I would have the greatest moments of our lives together but folded inside that happiness would be anger, resentment, and sadness. That was okay he assured me. "Marriage is no cake walk but it's worth it!" Uncle Rick told me.

His words have stuck with me.  During those moments when Aaron and I have bitter arguments, I often remember that marriage isn't perfect. I have to love my Husband, my kids, and my life, flaws and all.

Through the years I have learned to cherish the flaws of my family, sometimes even more than our moments of brilliance. Often, It's the flaws that make us beautiful.

So today, while the kids and I explored Julian, laughing, and smiling with the occasional cross word or a whine here and there, I remembered that perfect isn’t interesting or the least bit real and I love that about us.  

P.S.  In case anyone is wondering why Aaron isn't pictured, it's because he had a munch needed guys day out. 

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