Monday, September 3, 2012

Bela Boo

Tomorrow it will fall on me to take Bela, our nearly 14-year-old dog, to the vet to have her put to sleep. On Sunday, I found her sitting in our entry way with an anxious look on her face. Turns out she couldn’t move. Aaron and I carried her outside and gave her some fresh food and water. She didn't eat or move all day.

Last night, Aaron and Jacob set their sleeping bags outside and slept next to her. Aaron was certain that she would die that night. In the morning she seemed a tiny bit better. Bela was able to make it to our back door. She let out a little bark to be let in and ate a tiny bit of food but refused water.

All day Bela has been taking labored breathes and is unable to lift herself up. I sat with her for a long time tonight, rubbing her back and belly. It's obvious she is in a great deal of pain. I knew this day was coming but I still don’t feel prepared.

I have had Bela since I was a teenager. I can’t imagine life without her. She has been my silent companion through motherhood. She has been there for every big moment of my adult life. I am not ready to let her go. I don't know if I can go through with it. I don’t think I am strong enough.

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