Friday, May 28, 2010


Every Thursday two of the preschool moms and I take turns hosting playdates with our girls. Amelia, Hailey, and Naomi are inseparable. At school they absolutely must sit near one another. In the morning Amelia will say, "Today I am supposed to wear red. Hailey and Naomi are wearing red and going to have princess hair. Mommy, can you braid my hair please?" she will ask.

At ballet all hell will break loose if another student dares to stand in Hailey’s usual spot to the right of Amelia. They are in love with each other the way little girls often are with their very closest friends. When they fight it is epic. It's like something out of a trashy reality show with lots of name calling and crying and screaming. I cannot even image how brutal they will be to one another once the teen years hit.

Last week while driving them home from school Hailey told Amelia, "My mom loves me much more than your mom does. She spends more time with me. You have to go to preschool four days a week. I only go three times."

"My hair is longer then yours!" Amelia retaliated

"But mine is the longest." Naomi added

"But yours is curly,” Hailey added spitting out the word curly as if it were a swear word.

From the backseat there were tears, lots of tears. Every three weeks when they play at my house it is the same thing: fighting, crying, and laughing. Despite all the bickering, they can be so sweet to one another. Last week when Amelia was outraged because Naomi and Hailey took all the hot pink play-dooh, Hailey handed over her half to Amelia without even a thought. When a boy at school called Naomi a baby, Amelia insisted that he apologize and never call her that ever again. When Hailey cried because she had to leave one of their playdates early, Naomi insisted that they have a group hug “We won’t do anything fun when you’re not here.” She promised. For all of their meanness they make up for it with such love and kindness towards one another.

At first I didn’t know how to handle the three of them. I have been raising boys for 11 years; boys that are rough and sometimes wrestle and throw things at one another. They could care less who has a hello kitty t-shirt, whose mom is nicer, and whose hair is cooler. They just like to play and punch each other. Their fights are quick and consistent and almost always end in a physical altercation. They get over it and never dwell on anything that happened last week or ten seconds ago for that matter. My boys don’t hold grudges. I know how to deal with their style of fighting.

Emotional terrorism is new to me. As a kid I played with boys, rarely girls because their baggage stressed me out. The girls in my class thought I was weird. I was a strange little girl. My mom left for work early so I dressed myself in eccentric outfits and rarely ran a brush through my hair. My most prized possession were my Nike Jordan’s that were exactly the same as my older brothers. I liked to play with bugs to ride to school on my yellow Nash Fireball skateboard that I received from the boy around the block. I traded a toad that I caught at flag creek for his beat up old board. I didn’t want to play with Barbie’s and I hated pink. I just wanted to run around the playground with the boys. I'm pretty sure everyone thought I was a lesbian.

Every now and then I would hang out with a group of girls that were high drama but our friendships were always short lived.  In high school I befriended a group of stoner girls who smoked far too much pot to ever get upset about anything. Our drama was over whose parents found their bong, never over the typical girl stuff. The world that Amelia lives in is new to me. It’s taken me years to master the art of handling the girly issues that occur in her life. I think Amelia and I are a nice balance. She is so completely girly but has terrific moments of tom boyness that make me so proud.
Amelia and Hailey

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