Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Smells like teen spirit

Aaron called me from the work the other day because he smelled like shit! Literally smelled of shit. I am not kidding. I guess the phone was busy when he called so he also sent me an e-mail. I read his e-mail at the exact moment I was in the middle of leaving an answering machine message on Emily's phone. Emily is the lady who lives down the street with whom I carpool the kids back and forth to school with. I laughed really loudly and very abruptly in mid sentence. I am sure it was awkward for her to listen to and confusing because I was all "I can pick Samuel up from hahahahaha, ummm.. sorry, I can get Samuel from school today." She might think I do drugs because I always have messy hair in the morning, am still wearing my pajamas, and reek of morning breath whenever she comes to get my kids. Also, she makes me nervous because she appears to be so perfect and put together. I always end up saying weird and random stuff to her. Is that the way drug addicts behave? Anyway, never again will I talk on the phone while reading e-mails.

Back to Aaron, his message was short and sweet "I smell like shit. Many people have commented on this at work today. I think either the dog or Amelia peed or pooped on my work pants. Please arrange to bring me some clothes." Embarrassing, too funny for words, and completely Bizarre. Two questions popped into my mind

1. How did he not notice a poo smell upon putting the clothes on ?
2. How could the dog or Amelia projectilely shit on clothing hanging up in his closet?

After an afternoon filled with phone tag we never got a hold of each other. He wore shit clothes all day and he was neither pleased nor happy when he returned home from work that evening. . He immediately changed and showered. He forced me to smell the clothes. I did not smell shit. It was perplexing. The night while we were both lying in bed reading, he turned in my general direction to ask me a question. That's when I smelled it. It was terrible!
"I smell it! It's you! It's not the clothes!"
This did not make him happy. Because no one wants to hear that they smell shit. Especially a grown man!
"I'm positive it's your breath!" What did you eat today!!!!!? It's really, really terrible. I recommend downing some mouth wash."

My comments did not go over well. HE was pissed! Not only that but he insisted that I was joking. He thinks that everything I say is meant to be a joke. This was no joke. The shit smell was coming from his mouth. So gross and so funny!

This happened a couple of weeks ago and he still strongly believes that Amelia some how pooped on his pants, which I believe to be a much more disgusting explanation then burrito breath. Also, wouldn't there be a stain along with the smell. It jsut doesn't make sense! I have recommend that he no longer eat the breakfast burritos prepared in the cafeteria at his work. He still thinks I am kidding and will routinely sniff his clothing before putting them on in the morning. I don't think he will ever live this one down!

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